Day 26: What excites you most about reaching your UGW?

Off the top of my head: fitting into clothes I’ve always wanted to wear. 

But other than that? Achieving a certain level of fitness, knowing how to cook healthier options, enjoying exercising, confidence. 

Day 23: Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

I might be the minority here, but no, not really. The biggest influence was my extended family. I’ve talked about them here.

Day 24: How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?

I… don’t feel good about them. 

I think being pro-ana or pro-mia means that you encourage people to have eating disorders. You champion those who can live on only water for days on end, those who don’t eat at all, those who purge whenever they do eat, those who use laxatives, those who constantly put themselves down when the scale doesn’t budge, those who make those numbers their only defining quality, those stuck in that impossibly vicious cycle — those who are killing themselves slowly. It’s destructive. If you are pro-ana or pro-mia, you are supporting destructive habits. 

On the other hand, however, I can sort of understand the desperation of wanting to lose so much weight that there’s the nagging voice in the back of your head that screams at you all the time. I have been there before, have kind of dipped my toes into that particular stream of thought — and I can understand how tempting it is. How easy it seems. 

But it’s not the easy way at all. If you are pro-ana or pro-mia, then you are choosing the long, arduous way. It’ll be something you think about twenty four seven, it’ll be something that nags on you every little second of every day. You won’t be able to enjoy anything else. Please, please, if you are pro-ana or pro-mia, please consider the implications of what you are supporting. Please. 

Day 22: What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?

Probably 110 lbs, around that. Second year of high school I was in my best shape! I’ve always been kind of chubby in the face but my body was quite okay then. Not boney-thin, but quite slim. I can fit into most everything I want. 

And then IB (International Baccalaureate) came and destroyed all of my control and I ate like crazy to feed my exhaustion. I was sleeping three hours every day, throwing the rest of my time into schoolwork. I wish I could tell you something more dramatic, like a breakup or anything, but no. It was high school. Kind of terrified that college is gonna do me, actually.